Verge

This misery is driving me insane, and so i ask these three questions to myself today

Should I just float through life with all these black holes?
Am I a casket, sheltering a dead soul?
Mistakes pave my path with every decision I have made in my past
Will this haunt me in my future or lead to my death?

I have to discover this for myself, before the world draws to an end

This is my eternal internal war, trying to find my immortal soul

I guess you don’t need me anymore since I walked out that door
You’ve moved on I can tell, you really do show it so well

But when you close your eyes and if you see my face
Just remember I’m right here waiting for you to change

I guess you don’t need me anymore since I walked out that door
I didn’t mean to take that step but the itching pain is sweltering in the depth

But if you open your mouth and speak my name
Just remember I’m right here waiting in the pouring rain

You’ve closed your windows and you’ve locked your doors
You’ve thrown away the keys and bolted down the floors

In a minute I will see everything we could have been
Best friends turned in to enemies and back to hell again

You’re twisting the knife deep into my shoulder blade
Crippling my heart all the way up to my brain

The pulsating nerves are shooting their bullets
Up and down my spine back in to my heart’s ruins

I guess you don’t need me anymore since I walked out that door
It was something I had to do for the sake of me and you

Judging from the past I can’t for-shadow the future
Every time I see you my bones grow looser

Soon I will crumble like those big strong towers
As you pour your hatred on to me like Spring’s unforgiving showers

I have been thinking a lot about life and death,
trying to figure out what makes life the best

Oh how I wish this was easy...

I wish i could just be content with the fact of not knowing what lies ahead
If only i could close my eyes and fall asleep while lying in bed

I wish I could unwind all these loose threads that ache my mind
Wind, Wind, Wind, winding my brain, which ticks like a clock, threads falling like rain

This misery is driving me insane, and so i ask these three questions to myself today

Should I just float through life with all these black holes?
Am I a casket,  sheltering a dead soul?
Mistakes pave my path with every decision I have made in my past
Will this haunt me in my future or lead to my death?

I have to discover this for myself, before the w

This is my eternal internal war, trying to find my immortal soul

I miss your golden hair
The way youd always stare
I miss your golden hair
The way you used to care


Its been over a year since I last saw your face
The smell of the paint still breaks my heart
Life wasn't supposed to be a race
I remember the first time I saw your face

You're just a memory now
One that I keep in my mind
I still picture us playing
and causing trouble all the time

I remember being in your car
and I remember the speed
I remember the seats
but i can't remember if they were leather

I remember your beanie, that smelt like your hair

I remember those smoothies

I remember the paint

I remember the bicycle

I remember the phone call to your parents

I remember being separated, I think

I remember the paintings

I remember your bare naked butt

I remember eating Jack N the Box

I remember the muffin

I remember Taco cabana

I remember your room and the square garden area in the middle of your house

I remember Brahms

I remember Albertsons

and Campo

I remember walking to class together

and leaving class together

and invading the other class together

and I remember when you found out that kid was gay

and how much shit you talked

and most of all

I remember you

I remember all of you

I remember your blonde hair, perfectly styled

I remember certain shirts, like that striped one you have, that was kind of short, I think

I remember your hair

I remember you talking about your girlfriend

I remember you talking about fighting people

I remember all the speeding tickets you told me you got

and I remember the phone call, informing me of your death

I remember the funeral

I remember your brother, sister, and mother and father

I remember

I remember

I still remember

Sometimes my brain drives me so crazy I just can't escape
Sometimes my eyes get too dried out from all the tears that I waste
Sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like I'll slip,
or better yet, fall through the air while doing a million flips

Maybe it's worse, because you want to let go of the thing you want most
and what you want most is the biggest headache and your worst fear,
Your heart feels like it's going to collide with the end of Cupid's spear
It's penetrating, it's fornicating, it's an illustration of lover's lack of participation
Its that little voice in the back of your head, as much as you shake it, it keeps wanting to be fed

When you're lost in your thoughts and all you can see is the dark
When your mind begins to unravel, you feel like you just smashed into the gravel
It's blinding and winding
You don't know what you're finding,

It's like someone is binding your arms and legs,
and pushing you down a flight of stairs

Please remind me who I really am, of that once living person who would reach for a hand
but I'm not blaming anyone but myself, I've become so wrapped up with all this, I left everything on the shelf
Don't mock me or ridicule me because you know you know you will win
Please try to embrace all the strong feelings i have within

-Rania Khoury

What do I have to do to prove to you that I can do what I am set out to do?

Do I have to stand out in a crowd bare chested and shooting off bullets?

Do I have to stand at the highest tip of this city and pretend to jump?
but in the suspense you probably will not realize the chord attached to my hip,
and will just think i fell to my death

Do I have to run in front of a car while carrying a box full of fliers?
cause maybe then you will read one

Or,

do I just have to be like everyone else to be like no one else to make it big so people will be like me but want to be someone else?



Just think about it

What does it take, to prove you aren't fake, to make them appreciate, all of this hate

Right when you think someone hasn't changed
They look right at you, and their face is all rearranged

Its strange, how we cant quite always be the same
We realize, that we must unscramble our brain

And this is how it all began...

She answered the phone so filled with joy
She realized he wouldnt' just be another boy

Moving on from lust and despair
Eventually this person, became a pair

Struggling through motives that had failed their desire
Rising under stress, and re-igniting passion's fire

So they keep running through these rules
Fighting about something only for fools

No kissing others, and no touching their skin
No more looking at anyone, at all, except for him


Don't you understand? You must always hold her hand


They stopped their youth and moved too fast,
Brought everything to a halt
Told each other,I swear baby, this will last

One day the weather grew colder
and they realized they were getting older


They reached a conclusion that it's just not for them
They realized they can't ever be together again

So it ends in disaster, just like it was planned
From that first second, they held each others hands

-Rania Khoury

I decided to enter the livejournal world again and share some of my writings and poetry.


ADD ME OR TEACH ME HOW TO USE THIS



-RANIA